The Kardashians are undergoing a media blackout until the premiere of Keeping Up with the Kardashians season 10. With reports of Bruce Jenner’s transition, the family allegedly wants to unveil all information on their own terms — which includes their primetime reality series and an upcoming docu-series on Bruce. Of course, hiding from the media for weeks or months will only create more intrigue. Genius.
Thinking about an indefinite amount of time without a fresh Kim K. soundbite is almost impossible, since she’s been a part of the zeitgeist for over eight years. We’ve grown accustomed to her face, expect her selfies, and actually look forward to hearing other celebrities react to her. But what if she was never a part of it in the first place? Would the Internet still exist if the Kardashian family didn’t?
Here’s how things would be different if we never started keeping up with reality television’s first family to begin with:
Jennifer Lopez’s butt would still be considered big.
Kim’s big booty paved the way for the bootiful (forgive me) 2014 — a year that Beyonce, Iggy Azalea, and Nicki Minaj put their behinds front and center. Despite all the hype, J.Lo admits that her assets are much smaller than what’s popular today. “My is relatively smaller compared to [them],” Lopez told Watch What Happens Live last month. “It’s small potatoes compared to this Instagram business.”
Paris Hilton would be a superstar.
Paris wrote the book on how to become famous without any talent. A bicoastal socialite, she broke through in the early aughts by partying with fellow pretty people and saying things like “That’s hot.” In a Shakespearean twist, Kim (once her assistant), surpassed her, leaving Paris to survive on a diet of DJ gigs and pubescent boyfriends. If Kim didn’t exist, it’s likely Paris would be the one with a reality TV empire, Vogue cover, and musical husband.
E! would become a non-factor
Primarily known for their red carpet coverage, E!’s biggest mark in the world of reality television has been Keeping Up with the Kardashians. The show has birthed multiple spinoffs since its 2007 premiere, and largely impacted E!’s expanded lineup of reality television (which now includes Total Divas, Rich Kids of Beverly Hills, and Botched). Without the Kardashians, the network would largely be relegated to celebrity news and gossip. Not a bad thing, just different.
Ryan Seacrest would be on food stamps
Seacrest is the executive produce of Keeping Up with the Kardashians and has eaten off the family’s success over the last eight years. Without them, he wouldn’t be buying $49 million houses. (We all know American Idol isn’t what it used to be.)
Watch Big Morning Buzz Live‘s Nick Lachey pay tribute to Kris Jenner.